A Mother of Excellence - Proverbs 31:10-31
INTRODUCTION:
Happy Mother’s Day to all our mothers that are listening this morning. Charles Swindoll tells the following story, “I smile thinking of what happened when I had my oil changed recently. I knelt down and watched as the mechanic took a section off underneath my truck that I’d never seen taken off before, though I had had the oil changed by other mechanics. I asked, ‘Hey, what are you doin’ down there?’ He looked at me and said, ‘You the owner?’ I said, ‘Yup!’ He said, ‘Well, this ought to be taken off and cleaned every eight to ten thousand miles.’ When he finally got it off, it was gunky looking underneath. He took a rag and he wiped it all off. He put the shield back on underneath where nobody would ever see what he had done. And I said, ‘You always wipe all that off underneath there?’ He said, ‘Yup!’ I said, ‘Nobody’ll ever see it.’ ‘I do.’ Excellence in his work. And guess where I’m going next time I have my oil changed and a lube job done?”[1]
Why do I tell this story on Mother’s Day? Because like this mechanic, mothers do many things that go unseen and unappreciated except by the mother. Today is the day that we have set aside on our calendars to honor our mothers, to celebrate our mothers. That is good, but it should not be just one day a year, we need to honor our mothers everyday and appreciate and show gratitude for everything that they do.
This morning I want to look at a passage of Scripture that describes a mother of excellence, this is an important passage for all of us as we should each desire to excel in our God-given gifts and talents. This passage should teach men what kind of woman they want for a wife and the mother of their children and it should given ladies a standard of excellence to strive for so that they can be the wife and mother that God has called them to be. Before turning to our passage let’s pray and ask God to speak to our hearts by His Holy Spirit through His Word.
SCRIPTURE:
Please turn in your Bibles to Proverbs 31:10-31, this passage in Hebrew is an alphabet acrostic which means that the first word of each verse begins with a letter of the Hebrew alphabet in alphabetic order, there are 22 letters in the Hebrew alphabet and there are 22 verses. Please follow along as I read.
Proverbs 31:10-31,
“An excellent wife, who can find? For her worth is far above jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, And he will have no lack of gain. She does him good and not evil All the days of her life. She looks for wool and flax And works with her hands in delight. She is like merchant ships; She brings her food from afar. She rises also while it is still night And gives food to her household And portions to her maidens. She considers a field and buys it; From her earnings she plants a vineyard. She girds herself with strength And makes her arms strong. She senses that her gain is good; Her lamp does not go out at night. She stretches out her hands to the distaff, And her hands grasp the spindle. She extends her hand to the poor, And she stretches out her hands to the needy. She is not afraid of the snow for her household, For all her household are clothed with scarlet. She makes coverings for herself; Her clothing is fine linen and purple. Her husband is known in the gates, When he sits among the elders of the land. She makes linen garments and sells them, And supplies belts to the tradesmen. Strength and dignity are her clothing, And she smiles at the future. She opens her mouth in wisdom, And the teaching of kindness is on her tongue. She looks well to the ways of her household, And does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children rise up and bless her; Her husband also, and he praises her, saying: ‘Many daughters have done nobly, But you excel them all.’ Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, But a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised. Give her the product of her hands, And let her works praise her in the gates.” (Proverbs 31:10–31, NASB95)[2]
A MOTHER’S LOYALTY (Proverbs 10:10-12)
If we understand the institution of marriage given by God in Genesis 2:24, then we understand that every mother should be a wife before she is a mother. The author of these verses in Proverbs 31 understood this and begins with the words, “An excellent wife, who can find? For her worth is far above jewels.” (Proverbs 31:10, NASB95)[3] The author begins by stating that to find a woman like this is rare, not impossible, but rare and when a man does find a woman like this, he better hang onto her. The term translated “excellent” or possibly “noble” in other versions was a Hebrew word that was used of brave and courageous soldiers, it is a word that means excellent in their field or their work, it speaks of physical strength that qualifies them to fulfill the task before them. It speaks of a person of strong character but also of a person of worth in that sense that this person is worth listening to, worth investing your life into because it also speaks of the loyalty of this person to those whom she has a relationship. She is worth having as a friend and a man could not find a woman more worth marrying than a woman of this character and quality. The author goes on to describe her worth as being far above jewels. It might be said that she is the “Hope Diamond” of women.
As I said this term excellent speaks of the woman’s worth and her loyalty to those with whom she has a relationship. This idea is carried out in the next couple of verses as the author describes the relationship between this excellent wife and her husband. Her husband trusts her fully, because she is fully devoted and loyal to him, he is confident that she will only do what is right to provide for her family. The way she manages the home, providing for all that the family needs or would consider of value. They lack nothing and yet while she is providing, she is not spending everything that the husband provides. Her loyalty is such that she would never say anything that would bring her husband harm, but only good all the days of her life. She is a one-man woman as God intended her to be, just as He intended man to be a one-woman man. Genesis 2:24 says, “For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.” (Genesis 2:24, NASB95)[4] Until they are tired of each other, or one of them does something to make the other one mad. No, it does not say that, it says they will be joined, and they will become one flesh. This covenant of marriage is to be a picture of the beautiful covenant relationship between Christ and the church.
A MOTHER’S HARD WORK (Proverbs 31:13-22)
Next the author of this passage describes how this woman is an excellent wife and mother because she believes in hard work. If you read through the book of Proverbs you will find that is has nothing good to say about laziness and in this passage this excellent wife and mother is a picture of hard work and diligence. First, it speaks of her selecting wool and flax so that she might provide clothing for her family and have merchandise to sell. Second, the text says that she works with her hands in delight, in other words she takes pleasure in what she is doing. She is doing the desire of her heart in providing for her family. She considers the work a delight and does it willingly to see her family well provided for. I cannot tell you men what joy you will have in your life when your wife is doing the desire of her heart. It will far outweigh any sacrifice that you might have to make so she can fulfill her God-given desire. Third, the author says she searches for the best foods for her family and is up early in the morning while it is still dark to make sure all her family is fed and that her servant girls all know their tasks for the day. Again, speaking of a wife and mother whose desire is to provide for her family and manage her time to get the most out of her day.
The excellent wife and mother is a person who saves and is always looking forward to the future and the needs of her family. This is spoken of in verse 16 when out of her savings she buys a field and plants a vineyard in it. Again, this speaks of her hard work and diligence and how that pays off. The vineyard will provide for her family for many years. The author reminds us that this woman, this mother and wife, of excellent character is capable of the tasks before her and she works at them enthusiastically. The Hebrew of verse 17 is literally, “She girds her loins with strength.” The idea comes from pulling up the long robes worn in that day and binding them up or tucking them into your belt so that they would not fall down so that you could have freedom to move about and do your work. In other words, this excellent wife and mother does not shrink back from difficult tasks but rather attacks them with all her might. If it requires her to stay up late at night to finish the job she will. In the day that this was written all clothing was handmade and verse 19 speaks of her spinning wool and flax into thread that could be woven into cloth. This may have been a task that was worked on late into the night. Today we do not have to do this, and we have many labor-saving devices. However none of them are a substitute for the hard work and diligence spoken of here that is part of the character of this excellent wife and mother.
This excellent wife and mother also shows mercy and love by reaching out to the poor and needy with gifts of food and clothing. But first and foremost are the needs of her family and she has provided warm clothing because she has clothed them in scarlet which is a word that means deep-red dyed wool. They have what they need to stay warm in the colder months. Her spinning and weaving make it possible for her to make coverings, blankets, for the beds of her home and clothes of fine linen and purple cloth for herself. Notice she is last on her list to provide herself with clothes, her family is always her first priority.
A MOTHER’S MODESTY AND SPEECH (Proverbs 31:23-26)
Again, we read of the excellent wife’s husband, because of her capability of managing the home, because of the good that she does for her husband, he is able to sit at the city gates and he is respected and has a seat among the elders who govern the city. Because of his full confidence in his wife he knows that she will support him and stand behind him and he does not fear that she will talk about him badly because of her devotion and loyalty to him. The saying is true that behind every successful man is a hard-working wife. How many men have had their reputations ruined and lost their respect due to a silly, unsupportive wife that can say and do nothing good for her husband? Too many to count, but this goes both ways. The excellent wife and mother described here is not like this, she is wise and mature, and her true beauty is not in her looks, but in her character. She is modest in both speech and adornment. She is described as clothed in strength and dignity. The apostle Peter spoke of this kind of woman in 1 Peter 3;1-4, he wrote, “In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior. Your adornment must not be merely external—braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses; but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God.” (1 Peter 3:1–4, NASB95)[5] The excellent wife and mother is not a nagging wife, but rather is one who loves her husband and seeks to encourage him in all that he does. She stands behind him and supports him in his career. She rejoices with him in his victories and success, and she weeps with him in his failures and sorrows. She is in tune with her husband one hundred percent. She shows respect for her husband’s position by being industrious and also by being careful in her speech. She opens her mouth in wisdom and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue. She has learned to make what she says count, but also when not to speak, but instead to act. She trains her children with words of wisdom and acts and words of kindness. She is therefore seen as I already stated as a woman clothed in strength and dignity and because of this confidence she can smile at the future because she knows who holds her future and she has hope for what the future holds.
A MOTHER’S PIETY (Proverbs 31:27-31)
Maybe as we have gone through this passage you have asked yourself, what is the secret of this woman’s excellent character? The author has saved that information for the last couple of verses and it has to do with this woman’s piety. That is a word that we do not hear very often today, it not a fashionable word in today’s society. Piety means living a life in the midst of a pagan society that is totally and unconditionally devoted to God. This is the secret of the excellent character of this wife and mother described in this passage, it is her faith and devotion to her God. Notice verse 30, “Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, But a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised.” (Proverbs 31:30, NASB95)[6] Charm and beauty are often what men of the world look for in a wife but the author tells us that charm is deceitful or deceptive, charm is usually what we put on to gain a desirable response and in this way it is deceitful. We do something or act a certain way to gain something in response. Beauty is vain. The Hebrew word translated vain literally mean breath, something that is here and then gone. The NIV translates this word “vain” as “fleeting” which may better capture the idea here because as we grow older our outward beauty can fade but in contrast to this is the woman who fears the Lord; Because she fears the Lord, the author says she is to be praised because she does not put her trust in her charm or beauty, but in the Lord. Warren Wiersbe writes, “’A woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised.’ This is the secret of her life: she fears God and seeks to obey His Word. No doubt she would arise early in the morning to meditate on the Word and to pray. All day long she would pray for her husband and her family. Her true beauty is within; though the years might change her body, her beauty in the Lord only grows greater. Her praise comes from God.”[7] This reverence for God, this pious living causes this woman to watch over the affairs of her household trusting in God and not wasting her time in idleness. She understands that idleness gives an opportunity to the devil to step in and undermine her marriage and her family. She remains diligent and watchful all the time keeping her focus on God and His faithfulness to her. This loyalty that she has for her husband and family is from God who is loyal to her, never leaving or forsaking her. How does God praise her for her piety and faithfulness to Him? By blessing her labors and her life, but more than that she has the promise of eternal life and eternal blessing and eternal glory because all her life she has sown in the Spirit and not in the flesh.
RESULTS (Proverbs 31:28-29, 31)
In verses 28-29 and verse 31 we are told what our response is to be as husbands and children of this woman of excellent character. We should rise up and praise her. We need to show our appreciation for all that our wives and mothers do. It is good for us to be thankful and to honor our mothers once a year, but there should be a gratitude and honor shown to them everyday for all they do in the home. Dads/husbands it must begin with you and me, we must lead our children in an attitude of thankfulness and honor to our wives if you expect them to show their thankfulness and honor to their mothers. Possibly one of the greatest weaknesses in homes today is that we take one another for granted, when a simple thank you or a word of encouragement or an act of kindness could and will make all the difference. I know I am as guilty of this as much as anyone else. We must make it a habit to thank and honor our wives and mothers in sincerity.
Children, Proverbs 31:28 says that you are to rise up and call your mother blessed. This phrase is an interesting phrase because it literally means that we bless her by living the upright, godly life that she trained us in and modeled for us with her own life. This is the result of all her hard work, and she will be blessed if your life is an example to your children of godly living. She will have left a heritage to her family.
Husbands our words of praise are to build her up. Imagine how your wife would feel if you spoke the words written here to her with true sincerity, “Many daughters have done nobly, But you excel them all.” (Proverbs 31:29, NASB95)[8] Say this to your wife, but also live it out before her. The final verse in this passage jumped out at me as I read it. It says, “Give her the product of her hands, And let her works praise her in the gates.” (Proverbs 31:31, NASB95)[9] How does this happen? Remember who was at the city gate and had a seat among the elders? Husbands it is your job to give your wife the reward she has earned, which is meant by give her the product of her hands, give her what she has earned for all she has done, you do this as you brag about the woman of excellent character that God has given to you as a wife. Praise her works among the other respected men of the city when you are in their company. When everyone else is complaining about their wives, you praise yours for the blessing from God that she is in your life and to your family. She is loyal and devoted to you, so you be the same to her and you will see the blessing this will bring to you and your family.
CONCLUSION:
Wives and mothers, you have quite a passage of Scripture to live up to if you are to be the woman of excellence described here and it begins by faith in Jesus Christ. You cannot begin to be this type of woman unless you have been transformed by the redeeming work of Jesus Christ. You must deal with the sin in your life before you can be the woman described here. The only way to deal with sin is to agree with God that you are a helpless sinner with no way to make yourself right before God, but you believe that Jesus Christ can make you right before God, that His death on the cross paid the penalty for sin and that he was buried and rose from the dead on the third day showing by His resurrection that sin was fully paid for and death was conquered forever. When you believe this your sins are forgiven and you are made new in Christ and declared righteous before God and the Holy Spirit comes in and dwells in you and through His power in your life you can become the wife and mother described in this passage of Scripture.
Husbands and children, we have a huge responsibility given to us in this passage to be supportive and thankful and to honor the wives and mothers God has given to us and not just on Mother’s Day, but everyday of the year. Again, Happy Mother’s Day to all our mothers watching online today!
[1]Swindoll, Charles R., Swindoll’s Ultimate Book of Illustrations & Quotes. Nashville, TN : Thomas Nelson, Inc., 1998
[2]New American Standard Bible: 1995 Update. La Habra, CA: The Lockman Foundation, 1995.
[3]New American Standard Bible: 1995 Update. La Habra, CA: The Lockman Foundation, 1995.
[4]New American Standard Bible: 1995 Update. La Habra, CA: The Lockman Foundation, 1995.
[5]New American Standard Bible: 1995 Update. La Habra, CA: The Lockman Foundation, 1995.
[6]New American Standard Bible: 1995 Update. La Habra, CA: The Lockman Foundation, 1995.
[7]Wiersbe, W. W. (1993). Wiersbe’s Expository Outlines on the Old Testament (Pr 31:27–31). Wheaton, IL: Victor Books.
[8]New American Standard Bible: 1995 Update. La Habra, CA: The Lockman Foundation, 1995.
[9]New American Standard Bible: 1995 Update. La Habra, CA: The Lockman Foundation, 1995.