THE TRUTH ABOUT MARRIAGE AND DIVORCE (Mark 10:1-12)
INTRODUCTION:
Marriage used to be held in honor as a sacred covenant between a husband and wife that was blessed by God. Divorce on the other hand was not an option accept in the worst of situations. But in this age of self-fulfillment and self-realization even the sacred institutions such as marriage are made conditional when one asks the question, “Am I getting fulfillment from this?” Then divorce for any reason becomes an option. When we elevate our self-fulfillment to the point of it becoming our guide to life we reduce God’s Word to an optional guidebook to meet one’s emotional needs. When we do this, especially as Christians, the error is deadly.
More important than self-fulfillment, or what some equate with their own happiness, is obedience to God’s Word. God is more concerned with our obedience than He is with our always being happy. If we are believers, if we want to be the radical disciples that Jesus spoke about in the end of chapter 9, then God’s Word must direct our every decision. Don’t misunderstand what I am saying, God cares about our well-being. There is nothing wrong with desiring an increased sense of self-fulfillment. But the path to true fulfillment, well-being, and peace is not marked by signs that say, “my happiness first!” or “self-realization.” The book of Proverbs says twice, once in Proverbs 14:12 and once in 16:25, “There is a way which seems right to a man, But its end is the way of death.” (Proverbs 16:25, NASB95)[1] The true path to fulfillment is obedience: finding one’s life by losing it, being crucified with Christ, surrendering your life fully to the Lord. Our passage this morning is our Lord’s words concerning marriage and divorce. I know that many believers have experienced the misery of divorce. The reasons are myriad and often difficult to know how to apply Biblical principles to each situation. At the same time, I must speak the full counsel of God, I cannot pick and choose what I want to preach on and always have it be warm fuzzies. So regardless of what the culture thinks and promotes, here in the church the bottom line is, what does Jesus say about marriage and divorce? In light of His words, how should we live? Let’s pray before we delve into this difficult topic.
--PRAY--
SCRIPTURE:
Turn in your Bibles this morning to Mark 10:1-12. If you are able, please stand in honor of the reading of God’s Word and follow along as I read.
Mark 10:1-12,
“Getting up, He went from there to the region of Judea and beyond the Jordan; crowds gathered around Him again, and, according to His custom, He once more began to teach them. Some Pharisees came up to Jesus, testing Him, and began to question Him whether it was lawful for a man to divorce a wife. And He answered and said to them, ‘What did Moses command you?’ They said, ‘Moses permitted a man to write a certificate of divorce and send her away.’ But Jesus said to them, ‘Because of your hardness of heart he wrote you this commandment. But from the beginning of creation, God made them male and female. For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother, and the two shall become one flesh; so they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.’ In the house the disciples began questioning Him about this again. And He said to them, ‘Whoever divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her; and if she herself divorces her husband and marries another man, she is committing adultery.’ ” (Mark 10:1–12, NASB95)[2]
THE SET-UP (Mark 10:1-2)
Our passage begins in the house where Jesus was in Capernaum. When He had finished teaching His disciples on the radical nature of true discipleship we are told that He got up and went away from there to the region of Judea and beyond the Jordan. Jesus’ ministry in Galilee was over and He and His disciples headed south to the region of Judea, making His was to Jerusalem. Jesus ministered for about six months in Judea. Mark and Matthew do not record our Lord’s ministry in Judea, but Luke and John do. Our passage in Mark goes directly to our Lord’s ministry in the region beyond the Jordan, this is to the east of the Jordan, in the area known as Perea. Arriving there we are told that large crowds gathered around Him again and He once more began to teach them, and Matthew tells us that He was also healing the sick and diseased that were brought to Him.
It is in this context that Jesus is again confronted by a delegation of Pharisees, they did not confront Him because they seeking truth. They came to test Him by asking whether it was lawful for a man to divorce a wife? Matthew 19:3 the parallel passage to this one, gives us the full question, “Some Pharisees came to Jesus, testing Him and asking, ‘Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any reason at all?’ ” (Matthew 19:3, NASB95)[3] This was a set-up and Jesus knew it. To understand our Lord’s response, you must understand something about the heated social and theological context in which Jesus made His statements concerning marriage and divorce. The controversy that they were using to try and trap Jesus centered on the interpretation of a phrase in Deuteronomy 24:1. It is the only passage in the Old Testament stating the grounds or procedures for divorce. The verse states: “When a man takes a wife and marries her, and it happens that she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some indecency in her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out from his house…” (Deuteronomy 24:1, NASB95)[4] It is within these words that the controversy lay. It taught that a man could divorce his wife if he found “some indecency” in her.
This was a huge issue in Jesus’ day and the question on which the controversy centered was what does “some indecency” mean? The very liberal rabbinical school of Hillel interpreted “indecency” in the widest manner possible. They contended that a man could divorce his wife if she spoiled his dinner! Indecency could mean that she was walking around with her hair down, or that she was speaking to men on the street or speaking disrespectfully of her husband’s parents in his presence. One wrong word about your mother-in-law and you could be out on the street. One liberal rabbi went so far as to say that the phrase “finds no favor in his eyes” meant that a man could divorce his wife if he found another woman who was more beautiful.
The more conservative school of Shammai opposed what the school of Hillel taught. They limited “some indecency” to offenses of marital immodesty short of adultery. Adultery according to the law of Moses was to be punished by stoning, so some indecency could not mean adultery, but actions that suggested the possibility of sexual misconduct (for example, shameful exposure).
The Pharisees’ question to Jesus was to try and draw Him into this longstanding debate and then exploit His response to their own ends. Some Biblical scholars even think that the Pharisees were hoping to use Jesus’ answer to get Him in trouble with the house of Herod Antipas. This took place in Perea, which was part of the territory where Herod Antipas ruled. A negative answer would publicly announce Jesus’ alignment with the point of view that brought about the beheading of John the Baptist. Maybe this would be the fate of Jesus as well.
Jesus did not begin by directly answering the Pharisees’ loaded question but instead took them back to the institution of marriage seen at creation, giving the most extensive teaching on marriage and divorce in the Gospels. We will be looking at the parallel account in Matthew 19:1-12 which gives us a more detailed record of this event than does Mark. Matthew contains virtually everything in Mark, but it is given to us in a slightly different order. It provides more details, including the famous “exception clause.”
THE MARRIAGE COVENANT (Matthew 19:4-6; Mark 10:6-9)
In Matthew Jesus begins His response by directing the Pharisees back to the ideal instituted in the beginning when God first created man and woman. Matthew records this for us in Matthew 19:4-6, “And He answered and said, ‘Have you not read that He who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh”? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.’ ” (Matthew 19:4–6, NASB95)[5] In the beginning divorce was inconceivable and impossible.
Jesus quoted from Genesis to emphasize two things. First, the intimacy of the marriage relationship: “the two shall become one flesh.” Marriage provides us with the deepest intimacy possible in earthly relationships, deeper even than the children which are born from our bodies. We can be close to our children and have an incredible bond, yet we are not at one flesh with them. I am one flesh only with my wife. Second, Jesus’ emphasis was on permanence. Notice that in verse six Jeus adds His own commentary on what He had just quoted from Genesis. He stated, “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate. ” (Matthew 19:6, NASB95)[6] There was no thought of divorce—ever! God’s ideal was, and is, monogamous, intimate, enduring marriage. Anything less is a departure from the divine model.
It should be noted as well that the fall did not change the ideal. We all know that some things that were possible before the fall were not possible after it took place. But in regard to marriage, God’s standard did not change. Malachi 2:14-16 tells us, “You cry out, ‘Why doesn’t the Lord accept my worship?’ I’ll tell you why! Because the Lord witnessed the vows you and your wife made when you were young. But you have been unfaithful to her, though she remained your faithful partner, the wife of your marriage vows. Didn’t the Lord make you one with your wife? In body and spirit you are his. And what does he want? Godly children from your union. So guard your heart; remain loyal to the wife of your youth. ‘For I hate divorce!’ says the Lord, the God of Israel.” (Malachi 2:14–16a, NLT)[7] Divorce is always a tragedy, always a departure from the ideal. Everything the world says that is positive about divorce is false. Christians who go ahead with an un-Biblical divorce sin, they put themselves in harm’s way. The outcome will not be peace and well-being.
THE LAW (Matthew 19:7-9; Mark 10:3-5)
The question the Pharisees posed at the beginning alluded to the controversy in Deuteronomy 24. In Mark 10, Jesus asks them what Moses commanded them. In Matthew, the question by Jesus is not given, but the Pharisees counter Jesus’ response that divorce is not God’s standard, by again alluding to Deuteronomy 24. “They said to Him, ‘Why then did Moses command to GIVE HER A CERTIFICATE OF DIVORCE AND SEND her AWAY?’ ” (Matthew 19:7, NASB95)[8] In other words, Moses made a provision for divorce in Deuteronomy 24:1, how, then, can you say it is not part of the ideal? Jesus responds with the same words in Mark and Matthew, “He said to them, ‘Because of your hardness of heart Moses permitted you to divorce your wives; but from the beginning it has not been this way.’ ” (Matthew 19:8, NASB95)[9] Jesus’ response corrects the Pharisees, for Moses only permitted divorce, he did not command it, as the Pharisees had stated. What Moses did command was the granting of a divorce certificate for the woman’s protection. Without a certificate she would be subject to exploitation and even retaliation. The certificate also prevented the man from marrying her again. She could not be treated like property. Marriage was not something one could walk in and out of.
The reason God allowed or permitted divorce was that the hearts of the men of Israel were hard. This is a divine concession to human weakness, a concession to man’s sinfulness, but it is only that and cannot be taken as approval. It is reluctant permission at best.
In the Matthew passage Jesus adds what has become known as the “exception clause.” Here we come to the very center of our Lord’s teaching: why divorce is permitted. “And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.” (Matthew 19:9, NASB95)[10] Here everything rests upon the correct interpretation of the phrase “except for immorality.” The Greek word that is translated “immorality” is the word porneia. This is the word from which we get the English word pornography. If we were to look at this word in a Greek dictionary we would find this definition, “unchastity, fornication, prostitution, or other kinds of unlawful intercourse.” When porneia is applied to married persons, it means illicit intercourse, which may involve adultery, homosexuality, bestiality, and the like.
Understand, and this is very important, all these offenses were originally punishable by death under the Mosaic Law. These sins terminated marriage not by divorce but by death! But in Jesus’ day the Roman occupation of Israel and with it the Roman legal system had made the death sentence for such offenses difficult to obtain. Jewish practice had therefore substituted divorce for death. For this reason, the rabbinical schools, both liberal and conservative, were not discussing whether divorce was permissible for adultery. They agreed that this was the right action in the case of adultery.
The point is, Jesus was far stricter than either rabbinic schools because He superseded the teaching in Deuteronomy24 and said the only grounds by which one could divorce his or her spouse was sexual immorality, an offense that was originally punished by death. The simple, plain teaching of Jesus words in Matthew 19:9 is that divorce is allowed if your mate is guilty of sexual immorality. If you divorce for any other reason and remarry, it is you who commits adultery. This is the same thing that Jesus is saying in Mark 10:10-12. Divorce for any other reason than sexual immorality will result in adultery if you marry another. Some object to the exception clause in Matthew, they say it does not fit with Jesus’ teaching in Mark and Luke, neither of which contain an exception clause. So why is there a difference between the Gospels? Listen to what John Stott says concerning the difference, “It seems far more likely that its (the exception clause) absence from Mark and Luke is due not to their ignorance of it but to their acceptance of it as something taken for granted. After all, under the Mosaic law adultery was punishable by death … so nobody would have questioned that marital unfaithfulness was a just ground for divorce.”[11] The Lord Jesus permitted divorce and remarriage on one ground, and one ground only, sexual immorality.
Be sure to take note that Jesus permitted it, He did not command it. Divorce is never mandatory. Too often men and women pounce on the infidelity of their mate as the opportunity to get out of a relationship they haven’t liked anyway. It is so easy to look for a way out instead of working through the problems. It is my opinion that we should not regard a one-time affair as an easy excuse for divorce. Rather, we should think about the issue in terms of an unfaithful lifestyle, a spouse who refuses to turn from his or her adulterous ways. We should look at Jesus’ exception clause like this: No matter how rough things are, regardless of the stress and strain or whatever is said about compatibility and temperament, nothing allows for divorce except one thing, sexual immorality. And then it is not to be used as an excuse to get out of the marriage.
CONCLUSION:
Jesus response to the Pharisees and then later to the disciples completely did away with the loopholes that the Pharisees had tried to create in the Deuteronomy 24 passage on divorce. This teaching was revolutionary, it was radical. Jesus was clearly stating that if a person were seeking to live righteously then he or she must view his or her marital relationship as supremely sacred. Nothing can sever it but unrepentant unfaithfulness. Even then, it is not an excuse, but the sorrowful ground of divorce. This kind of teaching is out of sync with our culture. Our culture and even some churches have made marriage not more than a provisional sexual union that dissolves when our little love gives out or we do not find fulfillment. According to the Lord Jesus, marriage demands total commitment that only death of the most flagrant, ongoing sexual immorality can bring to an end. I hope that you take this truth about marriage and divorce to heart. In closing, let me say that those who come to Christ are completely forgiven. 2nd Corinthians 5:17 says, “Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come.” (2 Corinthians 5:17, NASB95)[12] Paul writes that the old things passed away and among those old things are all sins, including divorce prior to salvation. If it were otherwise, then divorce would be the only sin for which Christ did not atone. Divorce is not the ideal. It is the divine concession to human sin and weakness. God hates divorce! But we must realize that if someone divorces and remarries within Biblical guidelines, it is not sin, though it is due to sin. We must mourn every divorce. Remember that obedience to God’s rule in our lives is more important than self-fulfillment. The true path to fulfillment is obedience: finding one’s life by losing it, being crucified with Christ, surrendering your life fully to the Lord.
[1]New American Standard Bible: 1995 Update. 1995. La Habra, CA: The Lockman Foundation.
[2]New American Standard Bible: 1995 Update. 1995. La Habra, CA: The Lockman Foundation.
[3]New American Standard Bible: 1995 Update. 1995. La Habra, CA: The Lockman Foundation.
[4]New American Standard Bible: 1995 Update. 1995. La Habra, CA: The Lockman Foundation.
[5]New American Standard Bible: 1995 Update. 1995. La Habra, CA: The Lockman Foundation.
[6]New American Standard Bible: 1995 Update. 1995. La Habra, CA: The Lockman Foundation.
[7]Tyndale House Publishers. 2015. Holy Bible: New Living Translation. Carol Stream, IL: Tyndale House Publishers.
[8]New American Standard Bible: 1995 Update. 1995. La Habra, CA: The Lockman Foundation.
[9]New American Standard Bible: 1995 Update. 1995. La Habra, CA: The Lockman Foundation.
[10]New American Standard Bible: 1995 Update. 1995. La Habra, CA: The Lockman Foundation.
[11]Stott, John R. W., Christian Counter Culture. Downers Grove, IL : Intervarsity Press, 1979. pp. 96, 97.
[12]New American Standard Bible: 1995 Update. 1995. La Habra, CA: The Lockman Foundation.